egberts:

seeing people casually talking about spending $30,000 on a wedding makes me feel a special kind of nauseous when every single person i know has to debate if $40 on ordering pizza is worth it

evilwizard:

killyfromblame:

polyamzeal:

gayoticbeing:

rainydays12:

skitzofreak:

amygdalan-arm:

Keying/graffiti-ing someones car is old news now if someone cheats we go at their wardrobe with a seam ripper

yknow what? Fuck you *unstitches all your shirts and jeans*

My mother did this to my father once. They got into an argument, my very pregnant and hormonal mother stormed off…except they lived in a tiny apartment so the only place to go was to shut herself into the closet for a good long sulk. And while she was sitting in there, fuming, she looked up and saw her sewing kit on the shelf, and all my father’s uniforms hanging right there.

So she picked one shirt and one pair of trousers, carefully, methodically ripped every third stitch out of every seam, and then hung them back up together so that he would be likely to pick them at the same time. This took her a couple hours, so by the time she was done, the anger had worn down. She came out, she and my father had a talk that ended in apologies, after which they were tired and went to bed. My mother swears up and down that she meant to warn my father about the sabotaged clothes in the morning, but he wore a different uniform set and they were both still feeling a little raw, so she didn’t want to bring up the fight again. She decided to tell him that night instead.

And then she forgot.

Anyway, about four days later, my father apparently came home roughly an hour after he left for work, his clothes slowly, gently shredding off his body, the most bewildered expression on his face. “Paula,” he said, his voice mildly shell-shocked. “Paula, my clothes are broken.”

My mother promptly burst out laughing so hard that she went into labor. And that’s the story of my birth, heralded by petty vengeance and utter confusion.

GUYS IT’S THE POST

THIS POST THIS POST OMG

r4cs0:

memewhore:

evilscientist3:

anyotherstar:

evilscientist3:

Trying to get a glass of water but i cant. The water goes up

What do you mean the water goes up

It goes up.

surprisedentistry:

cosmicbirth:

surprisedentistry:

anyone else remember being a child and seeing the very neat handwriting of other little girls and somehow knowing that you were a different genre of person than they were

literally no…i remember seeing bad handwriting & thinking “oh these other kids must be orphans or something”

fascinating to hear from the other genre, thanks for your contribution

i-am-a-fish:

i-am-a-fish:

HEY.

are you scrolling [tumblr] instead of sleeping?

idiot. clown. I cast sleepy spell on you. fuck you. sweet dreams ily

ALT

alright cool. let me know how that strategy works out for you

gnarlybite:

draaaaawn:

himborc:

maamlet:

oh youre bi? why dont you “bi” me some time with a distraction while i crack this safe ya fuckin goon

you got it boss (makes out with the bank teller and his wife)